Big Boobs.

reading time: 5 min


// photo credit: pixabay

Hello ladies (and gents),

today I want to talk about something a little out of my comfort zone and not food-related. I want to talk about boobs. Big boobs, to be precise.

First off, I don't want to pretend like I have huge breasts, but I definitely have bigger boobs than most girls and almost all of my friends, and it's always been like that. I don't have any physical problems such as back pain (though my boobs do hinder me from running as much and moving as freely as I'd like to sometimes, and it's never easy for me to find a nice dress which fits both around my hips & my chest), but I have definitely experienced some mental problems that come with big boobs.

Breasts are, as we all know, biologically designed to feed newborns and infants with mother's milk (not cow's milk, just to clear that up once and for all). But I do not want to talk about the female bosom as a biological, functional body part. I want to talk about boobs.

The word alone - along with "boobies", "titties", "hooters" and what not - implies the sexy side of breasts. A sex symbol almost, a sign of attractiveness, appeal and in some cases of sexual activity and sex drive.

That's exactly where I want to anchor my arguments.

Last semester I wrote a term paper on female body & perspective in video games, including unrealistic body shapes, objectification and eroticization of women, so I'm pretty aware of the hypersexualized representation and perception of female bodies in the media. Breasts (which are, let's face it, basically fat) are commonly promoted as the critical factor of a woman's femininity - and people assume things about women depending on their breast size.

Let's start with the photo above: Do you think it's "scandalous" and "what-would-your-mother-say" for me to reveal that much skin on the internet? 

Now think again: If I didn't have as much boobage/cleavage (like in the example from rather flat-chested Asos bra models below), would you still find it inappropriate, bold, saucy etc., or would you just think of it as aesthetic and completely fine to show in public? 

(and, of course: would you find it scandalous if I was a bare-chested man?)

pictures via Asos

I myself am more on the voluptuous side of boobs and my relationship with my boobs and my overall "feminine curves" has not always been good. For the longest time I wouldn't go to the beach, or at least not in a bikini, I wouldn't go running because of the bouncing, and I wouldn't even wear tight, formfitting tops - just because they accentuated something I didn't want to be as present.

Now you might say, guys went crazy over Lara Croft and her big boobs - why aren't you happy ?!

Counter argument: what if you don't want to be seen as sexy? What if you don't want to be sexualized and get catcalls and looks?

Somehow people (men) tend to assume that I want to draw attention to my boobs and that I want be looked at - as if i wanted them to be as big, as if it was my decision. Guess what? Just as females with small boobs often wish to have more and wear push-up bras to enhance their bust size, females with big boobs often times wish they had less! And I personally mostly wear minimizing bras, for more stability and less volume. Which meant that I would never wear padded bras and would sometimes have to tape my nipples just so they wouldn't show when I was cold because I felt (and still feel) super embarrassed about that. I even considered breast reduction several times!! (Luckily I didn't go through with it.)
Some people even think that big boobs means that the woman concerned is a nymph or a vixen or just a more sexual person in general - in my case, for a long time the opposite was the case!

(a) I felt uncomfortable with my ever present boobs which seemed to be my determinative feature - and I felt reduced to the size of my boobs
(b) when I was in my teens, I couldn't commit to any sexual relationship because i didn't like the way my body looked
(c) I actually felt less feminine with my big boobs because to me they looked ugly and bulky and fat, and not as tight and cute and girlish and aesthetic as I wanted them to be!

I always felt that without the volume of my boobs I would look thinner and just overall prettier. Which is actually pretty sad.

The image above, for example, is one of the photos from my Alice in Wonderland costume blog post that almost didn't make it into the post simply because of my boobs. Because I didn't like way they look. They way the dress even enhanced their size. Actually took me a lot of courage and effort to publish it either way. Ridiculous, I know.

There was a time when I had "finally" reached my desired non-voluptuous, girl-like body shape. But guess what? I was NOT happy about it. I was not happy in general. I was miserable, I was sick, I had a severe eating disorder, accompanied by a bipolar mindset (you can read more about that over here if you like).

Both my aversion for my bigger boobs and my body overall were caused by an oversexualized past.

By now, I have made friends with my body, with my boobs. For the most part at least. There are still days when I wish I didn't have as much weight on my chest, but over the past few months I've started to appreciate my femininity. Being soft, emotional, empathetic, caring, open-hearted, passionate, and every now and then tapping into my feminine energy and channelling my "inner queen" by pampering myself with a bubble bath, manicure, face mask, shopping, girls night, clubbing in high heels, wearing red lipstick and a sexy form-fitted dress every now and then. 

Only a few years ago I had a very different mindset. I was extremely disciplined and controlled. I wouldn't allow myself anything - I bottled up my feelings, always smiling outside and "being there for others". 

But that has changed. It feels like all I do nowadays is pour out my heart and tell everybody my opinion, lol. But it's all good. The more true to yourself you are, the more real relationships you will be able to build up. Especially the relationship to yourself. Because after all, you are all you've got. All your life.

So yeah... these are my thoughts on boobs.

Feel free to share your own opinions/thoughts!

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