Maisy ❤ December 2014

reading time: ca. 2 min

Hello love -
Every Christmas my family and I go and watch a blockbuster movie such as Harry Potter (1-7.2), The Lord of the Rings (1-3) or The Hobbit (1-3). This year it was of course the finale (or "the defining chapter" as they say) of the Middle Earth saga. Didn't read any books except the ones for uni, so i'll keep it short and sweet. By the way, here's what i thought of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (review).

Watched: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)

source: imdb
So here's what i have to say about part 3:
Warning: SPOILERS. 

Things i liked about The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
- the opening scene
(Smaug barrelling down on Laketown with a fiery vengeance. all golden red fire and brooding grey blue water. visually next to perfect. and of course Benedict Cumberbatch, my favourite dragon voice.) 

- the battle boar
(i don't know what else to call it but the "battle boar" or the "war boar" :) it's the big pig the cousin(?) of Thorin was riding on and swinging his war-hammer. it even got its own set of armour. it's awesome.)

- Martin Freeman 
(Again: he IS Bilbo. i love his clumsy but trenchant gestures and facial expressions, especially his sniff and nose twitch!! watch it in all its glory here!)

- Thorin's madness
(i love how Thorin's inner conflict was depicted in/on the gold-faced hall, which i believe is the result of the pretty "gold bath" they gave Smaug the dragon in the second film. In the reflections and illusions of the gold Thorin faces and eventually overcomes his temptations, fears, desires....)

- Bard and his son
(even more in part 2, i thought that their relationship was beautiful. and kind of hilarious when you think of this one scene at the beginning where Bard uses his son - Bain i think was his name - to rest the black arrow on which he then shoots at Smaug the dragon. does the son even appear in the book? I don't think so, but nice addition to the story for once) 

- Smaug silently, gracefully falling down from the sky
(and landing straight on the fat greedy douche-bag of a mayor - i really enjoyed that too ;))

- Gandalf and Bilbo sitting silently next to each other, Gandalf cleaning out his pipe. great Lord-of-the-Rings worthy scene.

- the ending
(Bilbo defending his possessions against his relatives and other residents of Hobbiton who are eager to take apart his household since he has been gone for 13 months and is therefore declared legally dead is hilarious. I also really liked how - in its very final moments - the movie quotes "itself" by repeating the beginning sequence of Lord of the Rings when Bilbo finishes the manuscript of his journey there and back again, and suddenly Gandalf knocks on his door...)

- the credits song by Billy Boyd
(who, yes, plays Pippin in Lord of the Rings :) the song reminds me a lot of Into the West...)

Things i didn't like about The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
- anti-climactic beginning
(Smaug is amazing. The visuals of Smaug destroying Laketown, amazing. Bard the Bowman using his son as a bow, amazing. Unfortunately however, it's all smooshed into the first minutes of the movie - the fighting climax takes place before the title slide even shows up! Smaug's done so fast you barely have time to enjoy it. It's like having an orgasm after ten seconds: not very satisfying. Especially because the second movie built up all the tension and since the end of the last movie we've been holding our breath. Just to see everything brought to an end within minutes. I was sitting there thinking: That's it?)

- airbrushed violence
(now we come to my core point of criticism. The Hobbit hasn't made up its mind about their audience. basically, it is too brutal for children to watch (split skulls, severed heads...), but also too harmless or played down for grown-ups to take seriously. maybe i'm judgemental, and maybe i compare The Hobbit to The Lord of the Rings, but when i see Were-worms, Dwarves on a war boar who can knock down several enemies with their bare heads(!), Elves riding on a stag with a gigantic set of moose horns, Thorin and his crew riding around on giant war-trained bighorn sheep (where the heck did they even come from?!), Eagles dropping a shape-shifting bear on some orcs... - then i can't help but compare all of that to armies of armoured, vulnerable men on horses, men-like powerful Nazgul, men-like and scary-as-hell Uruk-hai, long preparations for war and bloody, dirty, wounded warriors from LOTR. Everything in Lord of the Rings seems more human somehow, whereas The Hobbit is just very... magical.) 

- Legolas
(continuing my rant on too-much-ridiculous-action-that-can't-be-taken-all-too-seriously, i have to mention Legolas again. because i loved him and his teasing friendship with Gimli in the Lord of the Rings (again comparing, sorry, but it's just so obvious), and even though he did have pretty fantastic fighting skills in LOTR, they weren't as ridiculously superhuman/superelvish as in The Hobbit! it's just over the frickin top. Rant over.) 

- the romance between pretty-boy Kili oh-so-vulnerable-and-suffering Elvish lady Tauriel
(yeah yeah yeah, didn't we all love Arwen and Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings? Well, first of all i don't like cheap repetition of tricks that have worked well in the past. And secondly, the connection between those two can never ever be love - they know each other for like two seconds!! They're attracted to each other, fine, but please don't turn this little butterflies-in-their-tummies moment into a tragic love story. thanks, kay, bye.) 

- Thorin's death
(major spoiler. sorry. i warned you. i DID like the way the orc - Azog - and Thorin fight each other on the ice floes of the frozen lake and also how Azog is eventually brought down by his own weight, BUT why the heck did Thorin not step away when he saw Azog's body float up again? Why did he have to frickin follow him and stand directly above him, unarmed?! It was sooo obvious that the orc would open his eyes and close in for another strike! well, anyway. The actual death was fine because he allowed Azog to kill him so Thorin would have a chance to run his sword into Azog's chest.)

Overall The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies is action action action short love scene action action, beginning to end. If you've already seen the first two, go ahead and see this one. It completes the collection.

Don't you ever say "Hobbit, Lord of the Rings - both the same" though! I'll come and find you.

Maisy rates: 7.5/10

Listened toThe Last Goodbye (The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies) (Billy Boyd)

Other songs i listened to in December (mostly Christmas-y stuff obviously):  

Gold Dust by DJ Fresh
212 by Azealia Banks ft. Lazy Jay
Herz? Verloren (Heart? Lost) by Farin Urlaub Racing Team
You've Got Time by Regina Spektor (yeah, we've been binge-watching the entire two seasons of Orange Is The New Black last month :D)
Problem by Ariana Grande ft. Pentatonix
White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes ft. Pentatonix
Carol of the Bells by Pentatonix
That's Christmas To Me by Pentatonix
Mary Did You Know by Pentatonix
Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (The Nutcracker) by Pentatonix
Let It Go (Frozen) by Pentatonix
Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer by Elmo & Patsy
I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas by Gayla Peevey
My Favorite Things by Big Brovas ft. Glee


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